SEPTEMBER, 26


LIEUTENANT USA AND HIS WARM STEEL GANG 2

Action / Comedy

The Cast: Steve Carrel, Jack Black, Owen Wilson, Dwayne Jonson, Sharon Stone, Jon Heder, Seth Rogen, Chris Rock. Voices of Robin Williams, John Ratzenberger. Cameo by Naomi Campbell.

The Director: Ivan Reitman
The Screenwriter: John Daws

The Plot: The warm steel gang has had some changes in the 3 years that have passed. USA (S.Carrrel), Hotman (J.Black), Skoda (Voice of John Ratzenberger), Banderas (O.Wilson) still reamin and new member Duncan Tower (D.Johnson) has joined the group. He is a man the size of a house and is an ex army man.

Hotman is seen trying to get a place in the next stages of Americas Next top male model but has a very bad auditon which sees Naiomi Campbell throwing up. Skoda and Banderas are now working together as a taxi service and USA is now working in a film for C.M.P.

One day USA receives a phone call after a day of filming. The voice tells them that the barers will destroy the world. He rushes back to his home and finds the others waiting for him. They have all received the same call.

Skoda, the oldest and wisest, tells them of the legend of the Barers. The barers are a group that will cause the end of the world using an evil of undescribable proportion. They all sit down to think about what to do. Hotman looking at himself in the rear view mirror of Skoda overhears a news buliten on the radio. It is talking about a group called The Barers who are hell bent on being in control of the world.

The Barers secret base found in Toyland, a closed down theme park, has all of the group talking about how to control the world and what they will do once they have it. The Ice Cream Man (J.Hender) tells them he will make sure the world is frozen so that his Ice Cream never melts, The Whore of Toyland (S.Stone) wants to make the whole world a theme park, Small Blaze (a young slightly stupid man, S.Rogen) wants to burn stuff, TYM (a age old super computer, Voice of R.Williams) wants to destroy everyone secretly including his companions and YoMan (C.Rock) can only say Yo Man!

They decide that they need to take over the American Government and so proceed to carry out their plan. They arrive at the white house in Ice Cream mans truck and he starts to play his ice cream song through the tannoy. They people around the white house start to flock to the van as the music is brainwashing them. The whore meanwhile enters the white house completely uncontested with and she draws the men to her. She gives each one a kiss which makes them instantly fall in love with her. The men proceed to start fighting with each other. Small Blaze starts a fire in a waste paper basket in the White house and he cannot make it any worse. A woman puts it out very quickly and blaze starts to run around making fires in all the waste bins as that is the most he can do.

An alert is quickly sent from the white house to USA and his men and they rush to the White house in Skoda. Once there Skoda and Duncan Tower quickly rush to the Ice Cream van with Skoda playing his car radio so loud that Duncan is not affected by the music. He tries to rip the tannoy out but cannot. The Ice cream man shows up and hits Duncan in the arm. Duncan bursts into tears and starts to run away. Banderas stops him and asks what is wrong. He explains that he was slapped by the Ice Cream man and it hurt. He was not built to take pain and he quits running down the road in a very girly manner. Banderas runs towards the Ice Cream man and is repelled by sharpened lolly sticks which quickly draw him into cover behind Skoda. Skoda then starts behaving irratically. It turns out that TYM has hacked into Skodas newly installed on board computer and it leaves Banderas open to attack. Meanwhile USA has chased after Yo Man. USA loses sight of him and YoMan finds The whore. He keeps repeating Yo Man in lots of different ways and it seems that The Whore understands that USA is after him and they decide to hide. USA passes by their hiding place and YoMan shouts YoMan. Usa turns and is faced with the lips of the Whore he falls in love with her instantly and joins in fighting the other men away from her while she proceeds to the oval office.

When she arrives she finds Hotman sitting in the presidents seat. He stands and wolf whistles at her. She slowly walks up and kisses him. He shouts woohoo and then sits back down. The Whore is confused and Yo Man says Yo Man again with a blank look on his face. He stands and explains that no woman is means more to him than himself and so he is impervious to her Whorey charm. She starts to undress as that amount of power cannot be stopped by anyone and then the door comes crashing down. A largely built woman comes rushing in and tells her to stop. Hotman takes on YoMan and knocks him out and the two women proceed to have a cat fight. Hair and biting ensues until the large woman is victorious. Hotman is staring at him and then he realises it is in fact Duncan Tower. He explains that the only way he could help was to be himself and he walks out with hotman.

The men who were under the Whores power have returned to normal including USA and they rush outside. There they now see Skoda playing Vannila Ice out of his radio and dancing to the song. Banderas is down from lolly stick attacks and the Ice Cream Man is in control with Blaze next to him. USA throws his shield which knocks the tannoy out and the three quickly get the ice cream man. Blaze shoots a small flame at hotman but it quickly sizzles out. He shouts 'No one is hotter than me baby' and puts an ice cream on his head. The cold quickly takes blaze out and he falls to the ground. USA explains that it is over and Ice Cream Man puts his hands up. Meanwhile Skoda is still dancing and the paramedics help Banderas from his lolly stick wounds. They decide to let TYM carry on letting Skoda dance and they all join in, in the street. The closing seen shows Hotman trying to kiss Duncan Tower in woman form while he is running away in high heels.


Stark’s Comment: The spoof comedy ‘Lieutenant USA and his Warm Steel Gang’ is one of the biggest comedy hits ever coming from our Studio. It made a wonderful box office of 132 millions and generated an amazing net gain of 173 millions. It was also a most innovative experience: a spoof laughing at CMP’s movies. A sequel was almost inevitable and here it is at last. It’s great to have the gang back! Now, enjoy it and try to find out what CMP’s movies are they laughing at.

PREACHER

Action / Dark

The Cast: James Marsden, Jennifer Garner, Josh Hartnett, R. Lee Ermey, Ron Pearlman

The Director: Zach Snyder
The Screenwriter: Matt Kubrick

The Plot: Based on the DC/Vertigo comic book, it tells the tale of a down on his luck Preacher by the name of Jesse Custer (J.Marsden), he hates how his life has become and hates the rotten family he's come from.

All that is about to change because one day a being known as Genesis escapes from heaven and crashes into Jesse's church, killing everyone inside but him. Soon he begans having visions of a civil war in heaven, god has dissapeared and different factions are at way with each other.

On pure luck, his ex girlfriend named Tulip (J.Garner) finds him alive, but hurt. He discovers that his girlfriend has picked up a curious companion by the name of Cassidy (J.Hartnett) who is an irish vampire with a love for hard liquor.

Meanwhile a small town sheriff by the name of Hugo Root (R. Lee Ermey) begins investigating the explosion that destroyed the church and believes Jesse Custer is involved.

In Heaven the angels learn of Genesis' escape and awaken the Saint of Killers (R.Pearlman), a killer that God can only control. They send him to find Genesis but with god gone to control him, he goes on a destructive warpath.

On earth Jesse learns of because of Genesis in his mind that he has the word of god in him and whatever he tells people they have to obey. With Sheriff Root on their trail, Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy try and make it out of Texas alive, and to try and put the pieces of the puzzle to gods whereabouts.

After a showdown which leaves Hugo dead, Jesse uses the word of god on the saint of killers to makes him temporarily forget about his mission.


Stark’s Comment: A comic based movie. But not the classic superhero movie. The preacher is a tormented dark guy far away from the ordinary hero. The concept of the movie, with a peculiar production design - inspired by a mix of film noir, western and gothic movie - looks very appealing to me. Really hope it works cause I think this one has a touch of class.

THE 6TH AVENUE CASTAWAYS

Drama / Comedy

The Cast: John Cusack, Scarlett Johansson

The Director and Screenwriter: James Bradley

The Plot: (Ryan’s Off-Voice) ‘There was this huge lightning. And that was it. I lost my sense and when I woke up it was just me. No trace of human or animal life. I was the only survivor to that something. Don’t ask me what or why.’

That’s how this story begins. Ryan Hirsh (J. Cusack), an egocentric and bohemian painter, seems to be the only living human in New York City after some kind of cataclysm. For four months, he will have to learn to live by himself. Until one day he steps into Alice (S. Johansson) round a corner. Now, there are two survivors.

Ryan and Alice will have to learn to live together. They are quite opposite. Alice is a young nurse. She is trying to overcome the idea that all the people she loved and cared about may be gone forever. She is scared and depressed. Ryan does not seem to miss anyone. He only lived for his art and never cared much about people. His only problem? He cannot paint anymore. When Alice notices it and asks him he says: ‘What for? Nobody can see my paintings. Creating something for no-one does not make sense anymore’. That’s how Alice understands that Ryan feels as lonely as she does.

Ryan and Alice will discover each other. Their feelings, their frustrated dreams, their fantasies, their fears… in a neverending conversation about life, love, sex, relationships, family, future, death, God, anything. Ryan is a sceptical guy, some times acid, with no believes nor principles. Alice is sensitive, innocent and fights to keep some faith on what may happen to them.

First, they don’t like each other at all – they even go their own separate ways after a fight until Ryan looks for her to ask her back -, then they start to learn from each other and, finally, they inevitably fall in love.

In the meantime, they live quite a few adventures in the empty New York City. One day, just for fun, they go down to the underground and get to drive a train – and almost die as they don’t know how to stop it. On Ryan’s birthday, Alice gives him the most beautiful surprise: she takes him to the Metropolitan Museum where she has hung on Ryan’s paintings together with his favourite masters’ works. In other occasion, Ryan organizes for her the fanciest dinner in the fanciest Manhattan’s restaurant…They also visit together Alice’s neighbourhood and family home when she feels strong enough to do it to recover her family pictures.

But, after more than one year living alone in NYC, they have to face the future. What should they do? Keep living like that, as happy castaways in a world for two, until the day they die? Begin a travel to look for other survivors, although they have checked that internet, radios and tv are dead? Have kids to begin the repopulation of the Planet although their kids will have a tough future ahead of them?

They are not sure of what to do. They reflect together about the different options trying to reach a conclusion. And, at the end, we get to see them walking down 6th Avenue and hear again Ryan’s off-voice: ‘Some day, we will have to take a decision. But, until them, we will just stop and watch the sunset again’.


Stark’s Comment: Great premise here. A sci-fi concept transformed into a dialogue based movie reflecting about the main issues of life mixing drama and comedy. A very original concept. An acting duel between two of my personal favourite stars. The kind of nice little movie I love. I hope it to be the ‘sleeper’ of the Season.


THE AVENGERS 2: The whole group of heroes is reunited again at full after Robert Downey Jr. finished his work in ‘Fallout’: Ironman (Robert Downey Jr.), Hawkeye (Orlando Bloom), Valkyrie (Rose McGowen), Thor (Tyler Mane), Captain America (Adam Baldwin) and the boss Nick Fury (Kurt Russell). The movie, directed by Gore Verbinski, also has the traditional villain wanting to rule the world: no other than Al Pacino, playing the evil Herr Kleiser (under the convenient make up work). Pacino has worked for CMP in the movies ‘Hot Iron’, ‘The Law’ and ’22:01’.

CIVILIZATION M: CMP has confirmed that, after Barry Sonnefeld left this project, the man directing it is Roland Emmerich, who already directed for CMP the trilogy ‘Space Quest’. And two more stars involved in this production have also been announced: Brendan Fraser (‘The Shrinking Man’, ‘The Metal’ and the TYM movies), playing a brave soldier facing the aliens and Halle Berry (‘Dark’, ‘Westworld’, ‘The Last Lawman’, ‘Get Christie Love!’), playing his loving wife.

PATERNAL NIGHTMARE: Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, the brains behind Little Miss Sunchine, make their debut in CMP with this comedy starred by Jack Black about a disputed paternity. The rival of Black is being played by Peter Sarsgaard, previously seen in CMP in another Collins’ story, the remake of the musical comedy ‘Babes In Toyland’.

DR. JONES AND THE CURSED TREASURE: More names to add to the appealing cast of this adventure movie: Michael Clarke Duncan (‘The Library’, ‘Nathan Zachary and Drake’s Gold) and Jet Li, very active lately in CMP with movies like ‘Five Thunderbolts’ or ‘Yeoman’, who plays here a modern times pirate.

THE FUNERAL DRUM: And more names too to add to this other long and allstars cast: Keanu Reeves, not seen in CMP since the release of ’72 Hours’, who plays a drug addict cop, and GMA Nominee Rosario Dawson, who had met before some of her mates in this production like Reeves or Sean Penn in the failed ‘The Company’, her last work for the Studio until now.

CHANGE OF HEART: Green light for a drama from Josh Collins based on the book by Jodi Picoult. Collins himself might direct this peculiar story. Some talents will make their CMP debut with it: Patrick Wilson, Cillian Murphy and Melissa McArthy. The project smells like one of those award favourite Collins’ ensemble dramas.

THE CHINESE BRIDE: Ang Lee turned into images the James Bradley’s screenplay ‘An American Stroll’ with wonderful results both in terms of box office and critical acclaim. Now, Lee and Bradley team up again in this courtroom drama about a Chinese woman sold as a wife to an American business man. Matt Damon, seen last Season in the megahit ‘Only In America’ and making a cameo in James Bradley’s ‘Celebutantes’, stars playing the lawyer who defends the Chinese woman when she kills her husband.

THE CRITIC: Here is a peculiar pitch from John Daws. It was written quite a long time ago, as a reaction from Daws to the critics from the former CMP’s critic Misterbaldy. CMP has recovered this story that laughs at movie critics and the insides of Hollywood industry – a recurrent issue in previous CMP releases like ‘Hollyweird’ or ‘Life and Facts of a Dirty Mind'. A regular in Daws’ movies, Patrick Stewart, leads the cast. Stewart keeps being the most active talent for the Studio but it has taken him 12 CMP movies to get at last the lead role.

THE THINKING MAN: Two female stars for this dramedy: Jessica Alba, who plays Jim Carrey’s dream girl, returning after her latest work for CMP, ‘TYM: The Inferno Revenge’, and a debutante in the Studio, Zooey Deschanel.

THE NAKED SUN: Director chosen to replace Danny Boyle in this sequel of ‘The Caves Of Steel’: Brett Ratner. Ratner has previously directed for the Studio two successful productions: ‘Captain America’ and ‘Cell Mates 2: Hearts And Minds’.


PREACHER
By Matt Kubrick

I'm a big fan of the comic book series. It's one of the best ever. I've always wanted to see someone try and adapt it into a movie or a TV series.

Kevin Smith at one point was going to produce a movie version with Ben Afleck in the lead role. Rachel Talalay director of Tank Girl was also attached to directing it as an independent movie after Kevin Smith couldn't get his version off the ground. James Marsden was also attached to playing Jesse Custer in this version and I thought he was a perfect fit.

Over the last two years Mark Steven Johnson director of Ghost Rider was producing a Preacher tv series at HBO. Robert Rodriguez and Kevin Smith were both rumoured to be directing episodes in the first season. It seems like HBO pulled the plug on the series at the last minute.

So this is the reason why I brought the movie to Crazy Moon Productions. It's a movie I've always wanted to see done. I can see telling the story quite well in 3-4 movies. The characters are great and they play off each other just fine.

It mixes action, humor and religion all into one and it can be quite controversial. I hope the Preacher is a success so we can do more.


James Bradley releases this week his latest pitch and his second movie as director after the comedy ‘Celebutantes’: ‘The 6th Avenue Castaways’. The story of the only living boy – and girl – in New York City. To promote this release, its two lead stars – and only characters in the movie – posed for a photo session on top of the iconic Empire State Building. And here is one of the pictures.



SCARLETT JOHANSSON

After one whole Season without knowing from her in CMP, one of CMP’s favourite stars, Scarlett Johansson, returns this week with the peculiar dramedy ‘The 6th Avenue Castaways’. Once again, James Bradley trusts her to play the starring role of his new pitch. And it all smells like Scarlett may have another chance to fight again for a GMA. A relevant fact: her movies have never had net losses until now. Let’s remember here her previous works for the Studio.

FILMOGRAPHY

CHEVROLET (Lawrence Kasdan / James Bradley, B.O.: 98 mill.): Scarlett’s debut in CMP was a road movie with a bunch of eccentric characters played by top stars like Tom Cruise, Will Smith or her. She played an Ukrainian illegal immigrant running away from prostitution. Her perfect foreign accent got a reward: nominated for Best Supporting Actress at the GMA.

THE LITTLE SISTER (Jack Hammer, B.O.: 41 mill.): A film noir recovering the iconic detective Philip Marlowe, now played by George Clooney. Scarlett played a femme fatale, a movie star blackmailed helped by Marlowe. A glamorous character after the poor immigrant from Scarlett.

PAPERBACK STORY (Woody Allen / James Bradley, B.O.: 59 mill.): Scarlett is one of the favourite muses for both, Bradley and Allen, so she just had to be in their work together in this romantic comedy about crossed relationships. Scarlett played here the lover of a father (Sean Connery) and his son (Eric Bana). And she got her second GMA nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

HOLLYWEIRD (Josh Collins, B.O.: 33 mill.): Josh Collins chose Scarlett to star one of his first movies for CMP. Once again, Scarlett played a sexy blonde, this time a kind of parishilton-esque wannabe star, in this acid look to the insides of Hollywood. Once again, a nomination, this time for Best Actress. Once again, the award didn’t come to her.

THE HOLDERS (Ridley Scott / David Makalaster, B.O.: 23 mill.): After four low budget movies, Scarlett decided to try luck in a major production with one of the first Makalaster’s works. A kind of esoteric thriller. But it just didn’t work. Saved by DVD market, it was one of the big disappointments of Season 7.

THE 6TH AVENUE CASTAWAYS (James Bradley, awaiting release): Third work for Scarlett with Bradley (still far away from his main muse, Kate Winslet). Now she is a sweet nurse trying to survive to the idea of spending the rest of her life in the only company of a selfish John Cusack. Back to smaller productions for Scarlett after ‘The Holders’ where she can prove she is something more than just a sexy chick.


Ok, so we had this week the 10 alltimes people’s choice movies from CMP. Reason enough to dedicate it a monographic article (the other reason is that, this way, I do not have to wonder what else can I write about).

So, those 10 movies (according to CMP, they were not put in any specific order) were:

The Heirs
Star Wars: New Order
The Long Dark Night
Pompeii
Wild Cards
Hitman: Two Ways To Die
Nagasaki Daydreams
3’s AND 7’s
Return Of The Last Lawman
Dream Of A King

And, ladies and gentleman, my awaited and always respected opinion about this list is…

Not many surprises really. Some of them had already won the GMA for Best Picture (Star Wars, Pompeii, Nagasaki Daydreams) so they could be predictably included. Four movies that have won the GMA for Best Picture were ignored: ‘Uncommon Valour’, ‘The Great War Series: Storm Breaks’, ‘The Crusades’ and ‘Only In America’.

Two bad surprises at least for me. First, why that boring drama that deservedly flopped in box office, ‘Nagasaki Daydreams’, not only was unfairly awarded at the GMA but also keeps being chosen as a viewers’ favourite? A mystery to me. Second, does a little movie like ‘3’s and 7’s’ really deserve to be in that golden list? Oh, yeah, and maybe ‘Poor Little Rich Boy’ too… and why not ‘Tales Of The Jedi’? Come on…

And one very nice surprise. I thought everyone had forgotten that horror masterpiece that is ‘The Long Dark Night’, with that wonderful premise: everyone watching Darkman’s crimes on tv thinking that it is only a kind of fake documentary. I am more than happy that voters still remember what – together with ‘Cursed Neverland’ – is without doubt the best horror movie ever produced by CMP.

This selection proves the power of franchises. 6 out of the 10 movies chosen were instalments from CMP’s franchises. The curiosity is that in 3 cases (Hitman, Darkman and Last Lawman) the movie chosen is not the first but the second movie of the saga (which I agree, as all of them are for sure the best ones of each saga). It is evident the importance of franchises for the Studio, although I some times feel tired and bored of so many sequels.

I am particularly happy for Mr. Daws. Yes, a Hitman movie is there, dude. The second one, probably due to the impact in moviegoers of that terrible sequence when Keira was shot by Colin. Maybe Hitman has not been an award favourite, but at least this is a nice recognition to its quality.

Do I miss something in the list? Sure. I miss ‘The Crusades’, that great epic adventure from Season 1, GMA Best Picture winner, now forgotten. Also, at least one movie from the brilliant saga ‘The Great War Series’, which can be also considered as a quality top in CMP’s history. And some personal favorites like that little jewel ‘Chevrolet’ (Tom Cruise making a great acting work!), the cult comedy ‘Schroedinger’s Litterbox’, the brilliant and unforgettable ‘Bill And The Rocket Man’ or that freak festival known as ‘Damnation Road’.

Anyway, the list is ok... if you don't hate this kind of lists as much as I do. Obviously, these lists are impossible to be satisfactory for everyone. But I have to admit it pretty much shows the essence of CMP. Luckily, CMP has released much more than just 10 good movies but not all of them could be there.

And now I wonder… how about a list with the 10 worst CMP’s movies ever? Hmmm, tempting…